Intent vs. Interest: Why Modern Dating Struggles with Clarity

Modern dating often feels like a guessing game. Are we just talking? Are we dating? Are we something in between? These blurred lines come from a clash between interest and intent.

Interest says, “Let’s talk and see.” Intent says, “I’m clear about what I want.” But most people aren’t saying anything at all. The result? Confusion, mismatched expectations, and a trail of emotional misfires.

In India, the issue is layered. We live in a culture where dating is often the road to marriage. So when someone enters a relationship with only casual interest, while the other sees long-term potential, it can cause serious heartbreak.

A 27-year-old in Bangalore shared, “He behaved like a boyfriend, but when I asked where this was going, he said he never thought of it that way.” Stories like these are increasingly common.

Many fear being upfront. They think stating their intentions—whether for something serious or casual—might scare the other person away. Others are unclear themselves, unsure whether they want commitment or just companionship.

What we lack is honest communication. People avoid defining the relationship (DTR) because it feels confrontational. But silence doesn’t protect anyone—it only delays disappointment.

This ambiguity is not just an Indian problem. Globally, the rise of casual dating, hookup culture, and situationships has blurred emotional boundaries. But in India, where dating is still navigating cultural judgment and family pressure, the fallout can feel sharper.

It’s okay to not have it all figured out. But what’s not okay is letting someone believe in a future you don’t see. Dating doesn’t have to mean marriage, but it should mean clarity.

As one Delhi-based therapist said, “The emotionally honest person might lose a few dates. But they save themselves and others from months of confusion.”

If we want better relationships, we have to get better at talking about them. Because the cost of avoiding that conversation is often much higher than we imagine.